[A red Ferrari races a black Porsche as almost-but-not-quite James Bond theme music plays. Meanwhile, an elderly driver of an old beater is coming up the road from the opposite direction. He sees the racers heading toward him, gasps & waves his hands around as they swerve around him. The Porsche loses control and skids to a stop at the side of the road as the Ferrari continues on.]

[The Ferrari pulls to a stop in front of the casino.]

Valet - [opens driver door] Bonjour, monsieur.

[The driver gets out, straightens his cuffs & bowtie -- it's RR!]

Valet - Welcome to Casino Montecour.

[The Porsche pulls to a stop next to them.]

RR - [leans down to speak to driver through window] Don't feel bad. I'm a pro.

Porsche driver - Really. And I thought you were just a jerk! [She drives away.]

[Valet gets into Ferrari as RR walks toward casino entrance.]

Shopkeeper - Au revoir, monsieur.

DM - [exits general store] Au revoir. [hums to himself, sees tow truck] Hey, hey, hey! Hey! What? Stop! Stop! Arrête! What's going on here?

Foulard - James Foulard, Mr. MacLeod. [to tow-truck driver] Take it away.

DM - No, no, no! Wait! This is my car!

Foulard - You will get your car back when I get mine.

DM - What are you talking about?

Foulard - [hands DM a court order] See you in court.

DM - W-w-wait. What's this all about? I don't understand.

Foulard - Don't play with me. I want my Ferrari.

<DM - Well, that's not a Ferrari, is it? [to driver] Unhook it. CUT

Foulard - [to driver] No! No! Take it away!> [to DM] Your name and address were given as security.

DM - By who? [to driver] Wait! Wait! Stop! Unhook it!

Foulard - No! A young American. He took it from my dealership for a test drive. He has not come back.

DM - Oh, and he gave you my name and my address?

Foulard - Yeah.

DM - Not enough. [to driver] Unhook it.

Foulard - No! NO! NO! [reaches into his pocket] Hah! He left this. [hands passport to DM]

[U.S. Passport -- the name is "Richard Redstone," the photo is of RR (best passport photo EVER). Date of birth is 15 OCT 64, place of birth is New York (where Stan was born), Date of issuance 18 APR 94, Date of expiration 17 APR 04, Authority: WASHINGTON, U.S.A.]

DM - [looks at passport] Oh.

Foulard - So you know him?

DM - Well, yeah, who wouldn't know... Red Richovich?

Foulard - Who? It says here his name is Redstone.

DM - Well, it would. It's an alias. Richovich is a killer for the Russian Mafia. He's the most wanted man in all of Europe -- and you know where he is?

RR - Beautiful. This is more fun than Vegas. In fact, this could be my lucky day.

Man - Let it ride. Let it ride.

RR - [to women on either side of him] All right! Could we win again? Could we win again? [Marina looks over her shoulder at Edward (dressed as waiter), who points discreetly at RR.] So what do you think, ladies? Do you let it ride on black? Black twenty-nine... Black twenty-nine! Yes! I win again.

(resume previous scene)

CUT

DM - Well, I hope you've got good life insurance.

Foulard - Hey, hey, please, please. What do you mean?

DM - Well, you know what they do to informants, don't you?

Foulard - I do?

DM - First of all, they take fishhooks and they put them in your nose. They just pull them behind your head to expose the Adam's apple. Then they take these leeches and they... you don't want to know the rest.

(resume previous scene)

RR - [still at the roulette table] Yes! I win again. Oh. Merci, Albert. Madame, for you. [hands casino chip to someone offscreen] Albert, please save my place. This -- This, ladies -- This calls for champagne. [leaves table, flags down passing waiter] Monsieur, merci. [takes champagne flute from waiter's tray, bumps into Marina] Oh, pardon. Je me très, uh-- uhh-

Marina - Clumsy? A klutz, perhaps? Don't worry. No harm done.

RR - You speak English.

Marina - Yes. At least I think so. [extends her hand] Marina LeMartin.

RR - [shakes her hand] Richard Redstone. Pleasure.

Marina - You come here often, Mr. Redstone?

RR - Well, only when the Mirage needs servicing.

Marina - Oh, really? You have a plane?

RR - Well, it's just a small one. You know, the, uh, the company jet. Shall we?

[As Marina follows RR, she glances quickly at Edward & points at RR. Edward dumps powder into a glass of champagne, picks up tray with doctored glass and undoctored glass on it.]

(resume previous scene)

DM - [with a nod in tow-trick driver's direction] They say they've got informants everywhere.

Foulard - So, what do I do?

DM - [sighs] Look. If I were you, I'd tell the police that it was all a mistake.

Foulard - Right.

DM - Yeah. ¹

Foulard - [to driver] Unhook it, please.

DM - Maybe you should take it away.

Foulard - No, no, no, no, unhook it, I tell you! Idiot! You have the wrong car! Sorry, so stupid. Bye.

DM - Have a nice day.

Foulard - Thank you. Thank you.

DM - [puts groceries in back seat of car, closes car door, ² opens driver's door, muttering] Red Richovich. [looks at passport again, then noticed rear tire of car has a flat] This better be good, Richie. ³

(resume previous scene)

Marina - [follows RR back to table] ⁴ Maybe I've heard of your company?

RR - Ah... It-- [thinking fast, sees box of matches on table] Match-- Match-Tech. It's new. You know, uh, computers, modems, that sort of thing. Ah, merci. [takes champagne flute from Edward's tray]

Marina - [takes other flute] Thank you. [sips her champagne] Oh, I think he wants you to bet.

RR - [takes a drink] Mmm. Well, let it ride on black. [drinks again, clinks glasses with Marina] Here we go. C'mon, black... Looking for black now. [The roulette wheel spins, stops.]

Dealer - Red, fourteen.

RR - Red fourteen.

Marina - Oh. All that money gone.

RR - Yeah, well, you know, easy come, easy go. [suddenly bends over] Oh!

Marina - Something wrong?

RR - No. I just need a little fresh air.

Marina - Oh. Why don't we go for a drive? You can tell me all about your new company.

RR - That's a good idea. Let's go, shall we?

[The Ferrari drives along curving road ⁵ toward camera, pulls over to side of road & stops.]

RR - [in passenger seat, drugged to the gills, slurring] Why are we stopping here?

Marina - Um, because I thought you might want to.

RR - [slurring] Oh, that's a good idea. Perfect, Marina. You are just perfect. [leans toward her, aiming for a kiss. She pushes him back & gets out of the car. Edward appears, leans down to look in at RR.] Hey, hey. You're that waiter guy.

Edward - So?

RR - [slurring] So let's have another round. [passes out ⁶ face-first across the driver's seat]

Marina - How much did you give him?

Edward - One dose. Fifty milligrams, like the farmer said.

Marina - The farmer? But it was-- It's a dose for a horse.

[Edward pushes RR back up into passenger seat, gets in on driver's side. Marina gets in passenger side, on RR's lap.]

RR - [slurring] Where are we going?

Marina - My place.

RR - [slurring] Oh, great. Wake me up when we get there. [snuggles up to her, his hand on her chest]

Edward - Does he have to do that?

Marina - Edward, he's unconscious.

Edward - He's American, and they have this ridiculous obsession with breasts.

Marina - Just shut up and drive. We've got our millionaire. [Edward starts ignition.] ⁷ (All of the dialogue from this cut is moved to voice-over as Ferrari drives away.)

[The Ferrari takes off down the road.]

RR - [wakes up, finds both his wrists chained to the bed] What the-- [tugs sharply on chains]

Marina - [enters bedroom] Please, don't scratch the wood. Besides, you will hurt your wrists. [offers him glass of water]

RR - No, thanks. Last time I had a drink with a girl, I wound up handcuffed to a strange bed.

Marina - [sets glass on bedside table] Are you cold? I could get a blanket. Or maybe a couple of pillows.

RR - Oh, no, thanks. I'm fine. Nice bed, lots of atmosphere. What more could a guy ask for?

Marina - You don't have to be sarcastic. This is the best room in the chateau.

RR - Oh, excuse me, I forgot my manners. Sweetheart, you kidnapped me!

Marina - Don't yell at me, please.

RR - Oh, God.

Marina - All we need is two hundred thousand francs.

RR - What are you talking about?

Marina - This chateau has been in my family for three hundred years. Without that money, it's gone. It can't be gone. You have to help us. Please, Mr. Redstone. Two hundred thousand francs -- it's nothing to someone like you. ⁸

RR - Marina, don't you have any rich relatives hidden away somewhere?

Marina - Grandfather was hopeless with money. He lost everything. He had to take a loan against the chateau to pay the bills... And now, the loan is due.

RR - Look, Marina, I hate to break this to you, but this isn't going to work.

Marina - Of course it will. It has to. [starts to leave]

RR - Look, Marina, Marina, wait, wait, wait. I gotta go.

Marina - Um, as soon as we have the money.

RR - Marina, wait. No, no, no, no. Marina, you don't understand... I mean, I gotta GO! Marina! I-- [Marina closes door as she leaves.] Damn it!

[DM pulls up, parks, takes a moment to put pads inside his lips/cheeks and brush some gray coloring into his hair at his temples.]

[Super: Casino Montecour, France 1978]

CUT

DM - [as Desiree touches up her lipstick] Come on, Desiree. The tables are waiting.

Desiree - You're a madman, Duncan. Two hundred miles in two hours? Look at my hair.

DM - Doesn't matter what you do. You'll still be beautiful.

[later, at baccarat table]

[James deals two cards to himself and two to DM.]

DM - [looks at his cards, signals for another] Card. [reacts to James' hand]

Carlo - [calling for the game] Nine for the bank. I'm sorry, Monsieur MacLeod.

Desiree - I'm sorry, too, Duncan. I'm not bringing you any luck tonight.

DM - Let me be the judge of that.

James - Bad luck, old man.

DM - Well, maybe my luck will be better tomorrow.

James - But not against me. I'm off to work.

DM - Oh, say hello to "M" for me. [to Desiree, as he stands up] See what you can do with these. I need a drink. [Desiree sits at his place.]

James - If you don't mind, old man? A martini. Shaken... not stirred.

DM - Oh, naturally... old man. [quietly, to Desiree] Probably doesn't know the difference. [kisses her, walks off to get the drinks]

Carlo - Place your bets.

[short time later] ⁹

Carlo - [as James turns over an eight & a king] Eight for the bank. Nine for madame. Et bien. Madame wins again.

[DM returns with drinks. Desiree has a huge pile of chips in front of her.]

Desiree - Duncan, can you believe it? The first time I ever played!

DM - That's terrific.

Carlo - [quietly, to Baron, nearby] This is not good for the house, Baron.

Baron - Carlo, my ambitious friend. A beautiful woman is happy, and that is ALWAYS good for the house.

DM - [smiles at James, hands him drink] Martini, old man. Shaken, not stirred.

James - [takes drink] Thank you, kind sir. ¹⁰

Desiree - [to DM] What if I lose?

DM - Well, if you're worried, stop playing.

Desiree - But I could win. Please, tell me what to do.

DM - [looks at James] He looks nervous. Let it ride. [kisses her]

Desiree - Easy for you to say. [deals out cards, turns hers over -- a nine and a king]

Carlo - Nine for the bank.

Desiree - Yes, yes, yes! [jumps up, kisses DM]

Carlo - Madame wins.

DM - You should play cards more often.

Desiree - Enough excitement for one night. At least here in the casino.

DM - Mmm. [They kiss again.]

Carlo - Perhaps madame wishes to leave her winnings in the casino safe...?

Desiree - No, madame wishes to take it with her now. In cash.

Carlo - Cash?

Desiree - Yes.

Carlo - A million francs? [relents] Whatever madame wishes.

DM - 'Night, Carlo. Good-night, Baron LeMartin.

Baron - There goes a lucky man.

Dealer - [at roulette table] Black, twenty-two.

[DM walks across the room, leaning heavily on a walking stick.]

Carlo - Monsieur MacLeod! What a pleasure!

DM - [shakes his hand] Carlo.

Carlo - It must be twenty years!

DM - Oh, no, it's, uh, nineteen, I believe.

Carlo - Yet look at you. You've hardly changed.

DM - Oh, good diet. Regular exercise. You look good yourself. Um, where's the baron?

Carlo - Eh, but-- I'm afraid he's not here. The old Baron went a little daffy. Most regrettable. I had to take over the casino.

DM - Oh, shame. He was a good man.

Carlo - Well, one does what one can. How can I help you?

DM - Well, I'm looking for a young American -- uh, was here a few days ago with a red Ferrari. Richard Redstone.

Carlo - [turns to valet] George? A young American a few days ago in a Ferrari?

Valet - A red Ferrari? He left yesterday afternoon... with Miss LeMartin.

DM - The baron's granddaughter?

Carlo - I believe so.

DM - [chuckles] She's a baby. How old could she be?

Carlo - Old enough.

DM - Ah. Well, uh, thank you.

Carlo - Yes. [They shake hands.]

DM - Be seeing you again.

Carlo - Of course.

DM - [to Valet] Bye-bye. [leaves] ¹¹

Edward - <[voice-over] I didn't spend three years at the Sorbonne--
 

Edward - [continued] --to carry chamber pots.> CUT [carries covered chamber pot out of room] I loathe this.

RR - The feeling's mutual, pal. [Marina picks up plate of food from side table, ¹² sits on edge of bed, tries to feed him a forkful of food.] Marina.

Marina - Please, it's very good. My grandfather made it himself.

RR - There's got to be some other way.

Marina - No, there isn't. How can I expect a man who has everything to know what it's like to have nothing? My parents are buried in the garden. I was born in this very bed. And my grandfather wants to die here. This isn't just my home. It's my life. I'd do anything to keep it.

RR - Marina, can't you renegotiate the loan?

Marina - There's only one thing he wants more than the money. Me. The pig wants me to marry him.

RR - Marry him? Are you serious?

Marina - If you don't give me the two hundred thousand francs, it's what I'll have to do.

RR - So kidnapping me was your only option.

Marina - Yes. It was Edward's idea. He says America is full of millionaires.

RR - Brilliant. Your boyfriend's a real criminal mastermind.

Marina - He's not a criminal and he's not my boyfriend. He's a painter. My family has supported artists for centuries. They say Monet painted his first waterlilies in the back garden.

RR - So why don't you let Rembrandt here sell some of his works of art?

Marina - Oh, well, I'm afraid he's not very good.

RR - Oh, great. So he's not just a crook and a sponge; he's also a hack.

Marina - You can talk. What kind of man leaves a casino with the kind of woman who lets a strange man buy her a drink? [shoves forkful of food in RR's mouth] Oh. [sets plate aside, picks up napkin] You spilled. [wipes his mouth with the napkin. He leans forward, kisses her, but can't touch her because of the handcuffs. She pulls away.] I-- I should go.

RR - Marina, Marina, please. One cuff. Please. I promise I won't go. Please.

[Marina pulls key out of her cleavage, unlocks RR's left hand, tucks key back into her dress. RR immediately leans forward & kisses her again.]

[Car pulls up, parks, unidentified figure gets out, walks toward chateau.]

(resume previous scene)

RR - [senses 'buzz', stops kissing Marina] Marina, the other cuff. Unlock me.

Marina - You promised!

RR - Marina, the key, the key. There's no time! [tries to grab key out of her dress]

Marina - [slaps him] You pig! I trust you. You take advantage.

RR - Marina, you don't understand. Somebody's coming.

Marina - [slaps him again] Now you're lying. [storms out]

RR - [calls after her] Marina, I could die! Marina, we could all die! Damn it! [starts tugging on remaining handcuff chain] Damn it! [braces his feet, pulls entire headboard & canopy down, crawls ¹³ out from underneath] Damn. [carrying broken post that chain is still attached to, opens window, climbs out] ¹⁴
 

[RR climbs out window.]

[Baron LeMartin hums to himself as he cooks. RR's shadow descends outside window.]

RR - [offscreen, drops to the ground with a clatter] Okay, pal. I'm ready for you.

[Baron looks around, shrugs, goes back to cooking.]

<DM - CUT Who are you supposed to be, the postman?>

RR - Mac? What in the hell are you doing here? Did you do something to your hair?

DM - That's not the point. The point is, what are you doing in France? You're dead here, remember?

RR - I know. I got a new identity.

DM - Yeah. Richie Redstone, international car thief.

<RR - Shh! I didn't steal it. I borrowed it. And I had every intention of bringing it back until I was drugged and kidnapped. CUT

DM - Oh, really?

RR - Yeah. See, I'm at this casino, and this French girl -- pretty hot--

DM - Marina LeMartin?

RR - Yeah.

DM - Oh.

RR - Anyway, she's all over me. Next think I know-- Bam! I'm out like a light. (continued below)

[Marina enters kitchen.]

Baron - Ah, Marina, my dear. [kisses her forehead] How is your young guest doing? A Mr. Flintstone, was it?

Marina - Redstone, Grandfather. Yeah, he's fine.

Baron - Oh, good. I'm glad. This old chateau needs more people in it. It's been far too empty these last years, eh?

[Edward enters kitchen with newspaper in his hand.]

Marina - [quietly, to Edward] What's going on?

Edward - [trying to stay quiet] You tell me. We kidnap an American millionaire; they don't even mention it!

Marina - Nothing?

[Baron resumes cooking in background, humming to himself.]

Edward - No Redstone on Dun and Bradstreet! Not on the stock exchange... nowhere!

Marina - Oh, maybe it's too new.

Edward - Or maybe Mr. Redstone isn't what he appears to be. [leaves kitchen with a huff, motioning for Marina to follow]

(continued from above)

DM - And she kidnapped you all by herself?>

RR - No, no, no, no, no. She's got this unemployed painter named "Eduardo" working with her. Anyway, he's very strange, but they think I'm a millionaire.

DM - So what are you doing? Stealing their furniture? Oh, this is going to be good. ¹⁶

RR - Listen, Mac, they're about to lose the family chateau. The baron lost all of their money, and now if she doesn't marry the guy who holds the loan, they're going to be out on the street. Mac, buddy, you've got to help me. She needs two hundred thousand francs.

DM - You wouldn't happen to be falling for this Marina LeMartin, would you?

RR - [laughs] Every time it's a girl, you always assume--

DM - I wonder why.

RR - Okay, maybe I like her -- a little. But I really do want to help her.

DM - So why are you running away?

<RR - I'm not running away. I'm... CUT

DM - Playing baseball?

RR - Very funny. [DM chuckles.] Anyway,> I've got to get back before they know I'm gone.

Marina - [offscreen, inside chateau] He's gone!

Edward - [offscreen, inside chateau] Oh, God.

DM - I think they just found out. All right. All right. Go on.

Edward - I knew we couldn't trust him. Now he's going to go to the police.

Marina - No, he wouldn't do that. [Doorbell rings.] The police!

Edward - Remember, we never heard of Richard Redstone.

[Marina nods. They both run for the door.] ¹⁷

Baron - Is that the doorbell? When did we get a doorbell?

Edward - [stops him before he reaches the door, turns him around] Ah, ah, ah, ah.

Marina - Grandpa... the soup is burning.

Baron - Soup? I'm making soup? [Marina nods emphatically.] What kind of soup?

Marina - [pulls him back to the kitchen] Come along, Grandpa.

Baron - Was it corn soup? Duck soup? Leek soup?

[Edward steel himself, opens front door.]

RR - Hi. I was, uh, looking for the bathroom. Can I come in? [Edward steps aside, lets RR enter.] Oh, I'm sorry about the bed there. No hard feelings? [pats Edward on the shoulder]

Edward - No. None.

RR - Good. So, um, where is Marina?

Edward - [breaks vase over RR's head] In the bath. [RR falls down, knocked unconscious. Edward smiles happily.] I got him.

[Marina returns to entrance, reacts to scene.] ¹⁸

[RR is now gagged & chained to a wine rack. He gets to his feet as Marina & Edward approach him.]

Marina - You're not happy just destroying the bed? You have to ruin the wine cellar too? Oh, what kind of guest are you? [removes his gag]

RR - I am not a guest! You kidnapped me twice!

Marina - Yes, but in civ-- in a civilized way. We always treated you well.

Edward - Hmph. We were wrong. Richard Redstone is a fraud.

Marina - Is this true, Richard? You're not really a millionaire?

RR - Yes. Marina, I'm sorry. I don't have any money. I was just playing the big shot. You kidnapped the wrong guy.

Marina - You lied to me.

RR - Yes. But now I want to help you. I swear, if you let me go, I will.

Marina - But how do I know I can trust you?

RR - Marina, if I was lying, would I have escaped and then come back?

Edward - Oh, of course. I understand it all now. He wants us to think he's poor, trying to pretend he was rich, to trick us into letting him go. But he's really rich, pretending to be poor, pretending he's rich, so that we'll let him go after all!

RR - That is ridiculous!

Edward - See? He denies it.

RR - Of course I deny it!

Marina - Quiet, both of you!

[Doorbell rings.]

Edward - Keep him quiet. I'll get the door. [leaves]

RR - Marina, I'm not lying now. I swear. <You've got to believe me. [leans forward] Kiss me. Kiss me. [She slaps him.]> CUT

[Walking stick taps on door.]

<Baron - Coming. Coming. Where are all the servants?> CUT

Edward - [intercepts him] No, no, no, no.

Baron - I thought I heard the doorbell.

Edward - No, no. No. No. [sniffs] Soup. I think it is burning.

Baron - Ah, yes. The soup. Must not let it burn, hmm? [wanders back to kitchen]

Edward - [opens door, steps outside] Yes?

DM - Ah, I'm Duncan MacLeod. [He's wearing glasses, still playing his 'older' self.]

Edward - Who?

DM - Chief Financial Officer, Match-Tech Corporation. I'm sure Mr. Redstone told you I was coming.

Edward - He did?

DM - Uh-huh.

Edward - [laughs awkwardly] Yes, of course he did. Yes, silly me. How do you do?

DM - Very well. Thank you. And you are?

Edward - Edward Cervain.

DM - Ah, yes. The painter. Hmm. Would you mind? [hands Edward his cane] Thank you. Mr. Redstone asked me to make sure that Miss Marina LeMartin got this-- [takes check out of briefcase] A cashier's check for two hundred thousand francs. [hands check to Edward]

Edward - Two hundred thousand francs!

Marina - Don't bother. [leaves]

(resume previous scene)

DM - [takes back check & walking stick] Yes. ¹⁹ [Marina comes down stairs, goes out front door.] Miss Marina LeMartin?

Marina - Yes?

<DM - CUT Oh, Mr. Redstone was absolutely right. You're charming. Absolutely charming. He asked me to give you this. [hands check to her] It's a check for two hundred thousand francs.>

Marina - Two hundred thousand francs! [exchanges a look with Edward] Mr. Redstone is very generous.

DM - He can afford to be. You know, this place would make a wonderful hotel. I wonder if Mr. Redstone would be interested in investing in it. Maybe I could have a word with him. [tries to enter chateau]

Edward - Ah, he's sleeping.

Marina - [at same time] He's not here.

[They exchange a look.]

Edward - He's not here.

Marina - [at same time] He's sleeping.

[They exchange another look & dart inside.]

Edward - He's not here. [closes door]

<DM - [gives his cane a little toss, smiles] This is beginning to be fun.> CUT

RR - [muffled by gag] Marina. [Marina removes gag.] Please, let me explain.

Marina - There's nothing to explain. [uncuffs him from wine rack]

RR - Uh, I don't get it. [Marina passionately kisses him, long & hard.] Wow.

Marina - That's for saving me.

RR - [smiling] Yeah.

Marina - [slaps him] And that's for lying. [leaves]

RR - [to himself] Oh, my God. ²⁰
 

Carlo - Carlo Capodimonte.

RR - Richard Redstone.

Carlo - Richard Redstone. [shakes his hand]

Marina - THE Richard Redstone, the millionaire. Surely you know who he is.

Carlo - Perhaps... but why would I be interested in him?

RR - Because I am paying off the debt on the chateau. [hands him the cashier's check]

Carlo - Hmm. Two hundred thousand francs. I'm afraid I don't want it.

Marina - What do you mean, you don't want it? You have to want it.

RR - Two hundred thousand francs is the agreement. That's the chateau's deed, free and clear.

Carlo - Not anymore. Deadline was yesterday. You missed it. Chateau LeMartin is mine.

Marina - No! You can't do this.

RR - Carlo, this isn't fair.

Carlo - CUT Of course, I might be interested in selling it.

RR - How much?

Carlo - Ten million francs.

RR - Ten million francs? Are you out of your mind?

Marina - I don't have that kind of money!

Carlo - I suggest you talk to Mr. Redstone here. After all, he's the millionaire.

DM - Ten million francs? That's over two million dollars. You've got to be out of your mind.

RR - I know, but, Mac, I'm supposed to be a millionaire.

<DM - Yeah, but you're not a millionaire. You don't have two million dollars. You don't have one million dollars. In fact, you still owe someone a Ferrari. CUT

RR - Yeah, I know. But it's still in one piece. Hey, listen, Mac, what if YOU put up the money to make the chateau into the hotel?

DM - What?

RR - Well, you told Marina yourself it would be a good investment.>

DM - Yeah, it probably would. But two million dollars by Friday? It's not going to happen, Richie.

RR - Oh, man. Then what do you expect me to tell her?

DM - Well, maybe you should try something different for a change.

RR - Like what?

DM - The truth.

Edward - I don't believe it. The Ferrari?

RR - Borrowed.

Edward - The two hundred thousand francs...?

DM - Mine.

<Edward - Who are you, anyway?

DM - I'm an old friend. ²¹ > CUT

RR - It was a fake, all of it. Even the tux was rented.

Edward - [disgusted] I even carried his chamber pot.

RR - Marina, I am so sorry. I never meant to get your hopes up.

Marina - You never expected to be kidnapped. It's my fault. I'm sorry, Grandpa.

Baron - You did what you could, my child. You all did. It is an old man's foolishness that has caused this. Meanwhile, I -- I have a request. [to Edward] Paint for me a picture of the chateau then. Something to take with us.

Edward - I'll get some new canvas tomorrow.

RR - Oh, don't bother. There's a ton of it in the upstairs bedroom.

DM - A ton of what?

RR - Old canvases. They're all rolled up, stuck to the top of the bed.

[The others exchange looks, jump up and run out. RR follows, confused.]

DM - Must be over a dozen of them.

[They gather around the pile of rolled-up canvases sitting on top of the collapsed bed canopy.]

Edward - Do you realize what could be sitting here? Monets... Cézannes... Degas... Picassos...

DM - Painters the LeMartins supported for centuries.

Marina - If one of them left a canvas--

DM - Then you're very rich.

RR - What if they're no good?

DM - Doesn't matter. A Picasso's still a Picasso. It could be worth millions. [unties string on a canvas]

Baron - Picasso, Monet-- I believe van Gogh stayed here once.

[Edward holds up portrait of a man.]

RR - Is it a Picasso?

DM - [shakes his head] No, Albert LeMartin. Your ancestor. An eighteenth century amateur who fancied himself an artist. I'm sorry. You've found the life works of-- [finds himself looking at a bad likeness of Duncan MacLeod] --a very untalented man. [hastily rolls the painting back up] I'm sorry.

Marina - Then that's it. There's only one thing left to do.

Baron - Please, not Carlo Capodimonte! Let that nouveau riche lizard have the house... but keep your honor.

RR - [follows her out of bedroom] Marina, don't do it.

Marina - Richie... I have to.

RR - Marina... I think I'm falling in love with you.

[Marina pushes him away, leaves without responding.]

DM - Marina, I know the chateau's important to you, but it's not worth the price you're paying.

Marina - [fighting back tears] Please, Mr. MacLeod, don't make it any more difficult.

DM - What about Richard?

[Sedan drives up lane toward chateau.]

Marina - It was all a mistake. He will forget me in time.

[Sedan continues driving up lane.]

DM - Will you forget him? Hmm?

Carlo - [parks, gets out of sedan] Come, my love.

DM - Don't do this.

Carlo - We haven't got all day.

DM - We'll find another way.

Marina - I have no choice. [walks over to sedan, gets in]

Carlo - [to DM] We'll send you an invitation to the wedding.

DM - Carlo, don't do this.

Carlo - I'd really love to stay and chat, but... [gets back into sedan, glances at his watch] We really have a great deal to do.

[DM stares at Carlo's watch.]

Desiree - [throws handfuls of franc notes onto pile] Duncan, is this how rich people live all the time?

DM - Not if they want to stay rich. You didn't have to order the most expensive room in the hotel, did you?

Desiree - But I wanted to. Besides, I like it. [clinks champagne flute with DM's, drinks] For once, I'm the one with the money. [unbuttons his shirt] And, uh, I can be very generous to those who bring me pleasure.

DM - You think I'll be your gigolo, for what, a few thousand francs?

Desiree - No, a million francs. What would this buy me? Your neck? Your mouth, perhaps? [kisses him, pushes him onto bed] I'm not free.

DM - Then I'm in trouble. Because I don't have a centime left on me.

Desiree - I'm sure you'll think of something.

DM - Well-- [takes off his watch] What would this buy me? [holds watch up] Hmm? Your mouth? Hmm? [kisses her] Your neck? [kisses her neck]

Desiree - [pulls away] I'm very expensive.

DM - Well, maybe I should take out a loan.

Desiree - Good! Let's break the bank. [throws handful of money in the air, falls on the bed with DM, kissing passionately]

[some time later]

[DM & Desiree are under the covers now, kissing again. A masked gunman barges into the room.]

DM - [to Desiree] You order room service?

Gunman - Shut up! Put the money in the bag! [throws bag at them]

DM - All right. All right. Let's just keep calm here, shall we?

Desiree - Never! Duncan won't let you!

Gunman - I'll shoot him.

Desiree - Go ahead! You think he cares?

DM - I care. Desiree, stay there. [gets out of bed]

Desiree - It's my money!

DM - And it's his gun.

Gunman - Fine. I'll shoot both of you.

DM - All right. All right. [scoops money off table into bag. Desiree tries to stop him.] Desiree!

Desiree - No, you can't!

DM - I can. He's got a gun. It's not worth dying over, even if it is a million francs.

Gunman - Come on. Come on! Hurry up!

Desiree - [yells at DM in French] {??}

Gunman - Come on. Hurry up.

DM - [replies to her in French] {??} Je vous {??}

Gunman - Come on. Hurry up.

DM - Desiree, put it in. Put it in. Desiree, put it in. Put it in. [Desiree angrily throws money into bag. DM throws last bills into bag.] Take it. [Gunman grabs bag, then reaches for watch sitting on corner of table.] No, no. Not the watch.

Gunman - Don't you start. You follow me, I'll shoot. [leaves, slamming door behind him]

DM - Desiree, it's just money.

Desiree - My money!

DM - Yeah, but look-- It's not the end of the world. We still have each other. We still have tonight.

Desiree - That's what you think. I'm too upset.>

(resume previous scene)

Carlo - [starts car] Ciao.

DM - Ciao, Carlo.

Carlo - Take care. [drives off. DM walks back toward chateau. ²²]
 

[The Baron is playing solitaire at the table as Edward starts on his painting of the chateau.]

Edward - [sighs] I don't need this. I am an artist. I can go anywhere. Paris... London... Berlin.

RR - I hear there's a train leaving in about an hour. If you rush, you might make it.

Edward - You'd like that, wouldn't you, you... You petit bourgeous... phoney! You're not even a millionaire!

RR - Yo, Ed, buddy. Do yourself a favor, all right? Knock it off.

Edward - Or what? You punch me? Kick my ass around the room? Blacken my eyes?

RR - Sounds good to me.

DM - [enters kitchen] Good morning, gentlemen.

RR - Mac, where've you been?

DM - Trying to find some information. Baron, maybe you could help me. How did Carlo Capodimonte happen to get the casino?

Baron - The same way he came into the chateau. He came into a fortune.

DM - And that wouldn't have happened to have been about twenty years ago, would it?

Baron - Right. And he invested wisely. He-- He became very rich.

DM - Lucky man.

Baron - Pardon?

DM - I said I'm going to see Carlo Capodimonte, and we're going to be able to work something out. Richie, keys. [Richie hands him car keys. DM leaves kitchen.]

Baron - What did he mean?

RR - I don't know. But if I were you, I wouldn't start packing yet. [to Edward] You, Picasso, you can pack. [follows DM out]

RR - I don't know, Mac. She drugged me, kidnapped me, tied me to a bed. If you ask me, I think that's a pretty solid foundation for a relationship. Hey, uh, buddy, uh, Mac, don't you think you might be driving a little fast there?

[The almost-but-not-quite James Bond theme music starts playing again. The elderly driver from the Teaser drives his old beater down the road, humming to himself. He sees the Ferrari heading toward him.]

Elderly driver - [gasps] Oh, no! [swerves to avoid the Ferrari, yells at them as they drive away]>

Carlo - What's the meaning of this? [DM & RR enter office, lock door.] You get out, or I'll call the police!

DM - Fine, why don't you call the police, Carlo. [hands cane to RR, takes cell phone from him] And while you're at it, why don't you tell them what happened nineteen years ago. How you held two people up at gunpoint and stole a million francs from them.

Carlo - What are you talking about?

DM - I'm talking about the watch on your wrist. That was mine!

Carlo - Won't prove a thing.

DM - [looks over at RR, back at Carlo] You know, you're right. It won't prove a thing. [puts cell phone down, reaches into coat] But I wasn't going to take you to court anyway. [pulls out gun, cocks it, points it at Carlo]

<Carlo - Hey, come on! Relax! CUT

RR - [playing his part] He's not worth it, Mac.

Carlo - It's not. Talk to him.

RR - Shooting him is not the answer! Don't do it, Mac. It's not worth it.

DM - No, this is.

Carlo - We can work it out. We can talk.>

[RR hits DM with the cane, knocking the gun from his hand. Carlo grabs the gun, turns it on DM.]

DM - No! No! [grabs at gun, pulls it to his chest, causes it to fire] Ohh, you got me. [collapses to the floor]

RR - Oh, my God.

Man - [offscreen, outside room, knocks on door] Carlo, Carlo? Are you all right?

Carlo - Oh, my God.

Man - [offscreen, outside room, still knocking] Are you okay? Are you all right, sir?

RR - [kneels, feels for pulse at DM's neck] He's dead. You killed him.

Man - [offscreen, outside room] Are you all right?

Carlo - It was an accident! [to man outside] Yeah, I'm fine! I'm fine! [to RR] You saw it. I didn't do it.

RR - That's not how it looked to me. Looked to me like he called you a thief, and then you called him a liar, and then you shot and killed him.

Carlo - But I didn't mean to. I swear!

RR - Well, I'll swear you did. Look. The body. The watch. Carlo, your fingerprints are all over that gun. It's looking like prison for you, pal. [goes to unlock door]

Carlo - No, no, no. Wait! [On the floor, DM smiles briefly as he listens while 'playing dead'.] I'll do anything!

RR - Anything? Well, I'll tell you what. You turn over the deed to the chateau... the deed to the casino... you head for South America, you never, ever come back here, and I just might forget what I saw.

Carlo - This is extortion. I won't do it.

RR - Suit yourself. [unlocks first bolt on door] Carlo, the deed or the police. All righty, then. [reaches for second bolt]

Carlo - All right, all right! All right. The deed to the chateau.

RR - Just go ahead and write "paid in full." [Carlo writes on deed.] Oh, don't forget Marina LeMartin's name.

Carlo - [writes quickly] Is that all? [On the floor, DM mouths 'watch'.]

RR - Excellent. No, I need the deed to the casino.

Carlo - No. No. Not the casino.

RR - Oh, what, too greedy?

Carlo - I'd rather go to jail.

RR - Okay, deal, but fork over the watch. [On the floor, DM smiles again, goes back to 'playing dead'.] Come on, give me the watch, pal. [Carlo takes off watch, hands it to RR.] Excellent. [unlocks & opens office door, comes face-to-face with worried staff] Oh, ho, ho.

Man - Are you fine, monsieur?

RR - Oh, no. Not a big deal. Just a minor little accident. Not a problem, folks. [raises his voice] Although I think Mr. Capodimonte there is going to be needing a ride to the airport. Ain't that right, Carlo? Carlo?

Carlo - [storms past him] Get-- Get out of my way. Go on! Move! Move!

Man - Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

RR - [calls after him] Enjoy Buenos Aires! [locks door again] Great. [helps DM to his feet]

DM - Ahhh. How was I?

RR - Not bad. A little over the top. CUT

<DM - I thought I was excellent.

RR - Your watch. [hands watch to him] I'm sure you thought you were excellent.

DM - I was. You know, I was an actor once.

RR - I've heard.

DM - Yeah, I played Shakespeare... I played all the great parts.

RR - I know you did.

DM - Come on. Let's get out of here. I suppose you think you could have done better. Ready? [cracks open door] Come on. [They sneak out.]>
 

[Camera ²³ pulls back from Baron to reveal everyone sitting at table, eating soup. DM passes around plate of bread.]

Marina - I don't understand. How did you get him to return the chateau?

RR - Well, Duncan can be pretty convincing when he wants to be.

DM - Yeah. Let's just say Carlo had better things to do. And so will you, if you want to change this chateau into a hotel.

Marina - Oh, it's a wonderful idea, but, um, it will take so much work, and I can't afford to pay anyone.

RR - Well, you know I don't have any money, but I've got skills, and I'm pretty good with my hands. I can fix things, keep the books... pretty much anything you need. If you want my help.

[Marina smiles, reaches for his hand.]

Baron - A bottle of wine from the cellar! Something to celebrate!

DM - Excellent idea, Baron.

Baron - Come with me. I haven't felt so good since '58. Come.

<Baron - Eh, here we are. This is the cellar. There's not a great deal left in it, but we will find something.

DM - [follows Baron into cellar] I'm sure we will, Baron.

Baron - We'll find something. [starts looking at bottles in wine rack]> CUT

DM - [looks around cellar] When was this wall renovated?

Baron - I don't remember. It must have been around World War Two, I believe. Why?

DM - Just a hunch. Would you mind? [hands Baron his walking stick, looks around] Ah, this was convenient. [picks up sledgehammer] Just for one minute. [starts knocking hole in wall with sledgehammer]

Edward - [enters wine cellar] What on earth is he doing?

Baron - He is breaking down the wall!

[RR & Marina enter cellar. They all watch as DM knocks large hole in wall.]

<Baron - [follows DM through hole] That was splendid for a man of your age, huh?

DM - Well, I've been to the gym a lot.> CUT

[They explore the area behind the wall -- rows and rows of wine racks full of dusty bottles. DM chuckles.]

Baron - Look. [picks up bottle] Mon Dieu. Chateau Latour, 1926!

DM - And a 1935 Chateau Monbazillac.

Marina - How did you know?

DM - Well, when war broke out, families built fake wine cellars for the Nazis to plunder. And they hid their best wines in places like this.

RR - How much do you think it's all worth?

DM - Well, this one's worth... oh, four hundred. [re Baron's bottle] That one, at least four thousand. I'd say you're not poor anymore.

Baron - [holds up bottle of Chateau Latour] This one we have for dinner! CUT <Come along! We have earned a treat! Come along!

DM - [voice-over] To Chateau Lemartin.

Baron - [voice-over] A toast to old friends.

RR - [voice-over, as glasses clink] And to new friends.>